Excerpt from Awareness by Anthony deMello

A little boy was walking along the bank of a river. He sees a crocodile who is trapped in a net. The crocodile says, “Would you hae pity on me and release me? I may look ugly, but it isn’t my fault, you know. I was made this way. But whatever my external appearance, I have a mother’s heart. I came this morning in search of food for my young ones and got caught in this trap!” So the boy says, “Ah, if I were to help you out of that trap, you’d grab me and kill me.” The crocodile asks, “Do you think I would do that to my benefactor and liberator?” So the boy is persuaded to take the net off and the crocodile grabs him.As he is being forced between the jaws of the crocodile, he says, “So this is what I get for my good actions?” And the crocodile says , “Well, don’t take it personally, son, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.” The boy disputes this, so the crocodile says, “Do you want to ask someone if it isn’t so?”

The boys sees a bird sitting on a branch and says, “Bird, is what the crocodile says right?” The bird says, “The crocodile is right. Look at me. I was coming home one day with food for my fledglings. Imaine my horror to see a snake crawling up the tree, making straigt for my nest. I was totally helpless. It kept devouring my young ones, one after the other. I kept screaming and shouting, but it was useless. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile. But the boy says, “Let me ask someone else.” So the crocodile says, “Well, all right, go ahead.” There was an old donkey passing by on the bank of the river. “Donkey,” says the boy, “this is what the crocodile says. Is the crocoile right?” The donkey says, “The crocodile is quite right. Look at me. I’ve worked and slaved for my master all my life and he barely gave me enough to eat. Now that I’m old and useless, he has turned me loose, and here I am wandering in the jungle, waiting for some wild beast to pounce on me and put an end to my life. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile, “Let’s go!” The boy says, “Give me one more chance, one last chance. Let me ask one other being. Remember how good I was to you?” So the crocodile says, ” All right, your last chance.” The boy sees a rabbit passing by, and he says, “Rabbit, is the crocodile right?” The rabbit sits on his haunches and says to the crocodile, “Did you say that to that boy? The crocodile says, “Yes, I did.” “Wait a minute,” says the rabbit, “We’ve got to discuss this.”

“Yes,” says the croodile. But the rabbit says, “How can we discuss it when you’ve got that boy in your mouth? Release him; he’s got to take part in the discussion, too.” The crocodile says, “You’re a clever one, you are. The moment I release him, he’ll run away.” The rabbit says, “I thought you had more sense than that. If he attempted to run away, one slash of your tail would kill him.”

“Fair enough,” says the crocodile, and he released the boy. The moment the boy s release, the rabbit says, “Run!” And the boy runs and escapes. Then the rabbit says to the boy, “Don’t you enjoy crocodile flesh? Wouldn’t the people in your village like a good meal? You didn’t really release that crocodile; most of his body is still caught in that net. Why don’t you go to the village and bring everybody and have a banquet.” That’s exactly what the boy does. He goes to the village and calls all the menfolk. The come with their axes and staves and spears and kill the crocodile. The boy’s dog comes, too, and when the dog sees the rabbit, he gives chase, catches hold of the rabbit, and throttles him. The boy comes on the scene too late, and as he watches the rabbit die, he says, “The crocodile was right, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.”

A Collection of Thoughts: Christianity

I’m so tired mentally, it’s been hard keeping up with the regular blog posts lately. I just don’t have the drive to write anything that makes me think. It’s the most inconvenient time to feel that way, as I’m being confronted with several issues that are calling for my attention: Christianity, responsibility, self control with alcohol, my views on sex, and generativity.

Concerning my Christianity, a lot of my concern has been sparked by my recent inconsistency with going to church. I just feel so guilty, whether it’s for rational or irrational reasons. Why am I feeling so guilty? I’ve been putting it off because with nursing school and personal time and my philosophy group and home errands all vying for a slot in my weekend schedule, Church gets put on raincheck. A lot of the guilt comes from my mother telling me how I would go to hell for not attending Church. Attending Church seemed to be the way she gauged how good of a Christian somebody was. Bleh, I hate that feeling, but it’s ingrained in me pretty deep. An extra kick in the balls came when I drove by a mob right off of Dixie St. near South Patio of Tennessee Tech, where I go. Sticking out of the mob was a huge banner saying “Turn to Jesus or Burn in Hell”. A head-turner, but what piqued my interest was the fact that some of my militant atheist friends were in the rabble. I parked nearby and walked over to see what the hell was going on.

Turned out there was an evangelist by the name of John making some pretty condemning statements and there were people gathering around, some yelling back at him. Initially, I was rather disgusted with what he had to say. He was spouting nothing but hate and damnation in the effort of scaring people into Christianity. Where was that going to get someone? What is the quality of faith of a Christian guided by fear? John was playing on their fear of death, on their fear of hell and damnation. Sometimes, I wish heaven and hell had never been mentioned to humans because I think it skews the true motives of a Christian. The ultimate goal of Christianity shouldn’t be a reward/punishment complex.

So there he was, shouting the Gospel as he saw fit, ignoring “foolish questions” and speaking over them. The opposing side wasn’t squeaky clean either. Students were spitting at his feet, blowing smoke at him, flashing porn, exercising their poor understanding and recognition of logical fallacies (quick note: pointing out a contradiction that has no relevance to the argument has not made anybody look smart since the sixth grade). There was even a point near the end when some of the students came back with posters saying “Honk if you love beer”, “Honk if you love porn”. I didn’t know what to think other than both sides were being idiots. Other than that, I felt pretty conflicted on how respond to it, if at all.

What I saw was a lot of fear and hate. Hate in John’s words, fear in his avoidance from certain confrontations. Hate from the spiteful students, and fear from those who continued to spite him. Fear from the Christian students who had felt that same way I had felt to some degree. They tried to confront him, tried to tell him that there were those who believed, to which he replied “I’m not here for you, I’m here for the unsaved. If you believe, then go and tell them the Truth,” to which they retreated a few feet and prayed. I chose to abstain from the prayer because I wouldn’t have been praying for the right reasons. It wouldn’t have been for John, it wouldn’t have been for the “unsaved”, it wouldn’t have been for God. Rather, it would have been at God asking for him to forgive me, to wash my hands of all that toxic feeling. That wasn’t the time to be thinking about myself, I thought. Instead, I kept on listening to John and to the few sincere questions that were asked and he would respond to amidst all the jeering and honking.

I don’t know about anybody else who was there, but I felt the love that had come from him. Beneath his vanity and his hate and his fear, there was a lot of love in what he had to say. If any of you remember my blog a while back about hypocrisy, this is a shining example of that post. Most of what John said may have been skewed or out of context, but it wasn’t entirely untrue. There was a teaching value to his words. To the best of his abilities and understanding, he was trying to help others, although not entirely for their sakes. In his eyes, by spending his money on a banner, by driving out two whole hours, by standing up to the heathens, the smokers, the prostitutes, the Sodomites he was a warrior on behalf of God. That was how he showed God his love.

And don’t think he wasn’t listening to those jeers. Don’t think he didn’t notice the spit at his feet. He was fighting back the look of defeat near the end and the only way he could hide it was by being more resolute. By making more accusations. He had to keep that warrior spirit in the face of evil. He wasn’t going to concede forfeiture. Down to the minute he left he was preaching, as flawed as everyone thought it was. In some ways it was noble, despite the foolishness of it.

Three days later I’m still trying to figure out what to think about it all. He might not have won over any Christians, but he kept me thinking in a time when I was staggering in my Christianity so I hope he didn’t leave feeling that he had failed in his mission.

Expressing My Opinion On Gender Roles

Well, I could tell everybody what they want to hear. “I see no natural difference between man and women. Those differences were imposed upon the genders by society. *spite coming out my eyes, mouth, and ears*” I’d be lying out of my ass if I said I believed that. Instead, I’ll share my personal thoughts on what man and woman are.

I can easily admit that a lot of the differences were influenced from outside sources. They weren’t natural. They came from society, they came from the Bible, and they came from several chauvinistic dickweeds back in the day that could sell a book or two… but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to disagree with them.

These influences manifest themselves amongst the two genders as expectations. Personally, I have a LOT more expectations of my fellow man than I do of ladies. I don’t think I really have the right to determine how the other sex should be. The expectations I have of BOTH sexes is seen in my listed traits of the ideal man and woman

I think the ideal man should know how to dress up, and should do so when (not “if”) the occasion arises. He should train himself to be physically AND mentally fit. He should be well rounded: arts, literature, philosophy, math, the works. He shouldn’t be easily influenced by others; he should be able to make up his own mind and come to his own conclusions. He should always be prepared to provide for his wife and children, even if he doesn’t have to and even at the expense of his own comfort (this doesn’t mean that the wife can’t get a job, too. Back to that later). He should always be searching, always looking for ways to better himself. He should not be afraid of being wrong, and should recognize when he is. He should believe in chivalry, even if it is considered dead. He should develop his sensitive/feeling side. Women are not beneath him. Women are not above him. He should not objectify women. He should have his own values and be his own person.

When I picture the ideal man, I see a healthy, clean shaven man. His age is irrelevant. He wears a three piece tweed suit and patent leather shoes. His stance is forthright and firm. He’s a “renaissance man”. I always get the feeling that he came straight from the late 1800s to the early 1900s. It’s a mix between the antebellum era, the Industrial Revolution Era, and the Roaring 1920s. It’s what I try to be.

For the ideal woman, I always see it in terms of interaction with the ideal man. From the very beginning, I recognize that no matter how much a man may think he knows about women, he really understands nothing. Therefore, he has no right to tell them who they are to be. However, I still have expectations. I expect women to stick up for their rights, not have others defend them. They have the right to do what they damn well please, but they should recognize that they are also accountable. They have the right to get a job, but I expect the man to be able to support the family on his own if the need arises. They have the right to wear whatever they want, but the man reserves the right to have his opinion of what is attractive (and if he is the ideal man, then what he finds attractive doesn’t necessarily reflect society’s view of attractiveness). Each individual woman has the right to determine what is beautiful, and I personally wish that the foundation for their standards of beauty would be themselves. Personally, I like a person who doesn’t think she needs makeup to be beautiful. I’d even go so far as to say that I tend to lean more towards tomboy kind of girls. They seem more in touch with who they want to be, and I find that very attractive.

I can’t really picture the ideal woman. The ideal woman, to me, is defined more by her character than her physical features. I couldn’t even picture her in a certain era like the ideal man, because it just all seems so “plastic”. Victorian corsets, Stepford wives, bobby pins and makeup, etc…okay, maybe the 1920s. I just really love that era. If it weren’t for the following decade, I would have wished to be in my prime during the 1920s. It just seems so classy. Back on topic. I just want the woman to be her own person, but I want her to realize that with the freedom to be her own woman she can’t rely on being a woman as an excuse, either. Women are on the level of men. neither is a higher status than the other. Thus, they should share the same general privileges and responsibilities.

And what about problems with societal expectations on the genders? Women generally complain about how society has told them how to look. They are pressured by men to be the skinny, blond, well endowed, long-legged bombshell. They must wear revealing clothes and seduce the men and they belong at home or in the kitchen. Don’t panic; I’m exaggerating, lol. But you get the picture. 

However, I don’t feel enough credit is given to the pressures put on man. Being a male nursing major (in what is generally considered a female profession) I’m getting quite a bit of social flak. Do you know how many demeaning looks I get, even in my own field? I can barely find a study partner in any of my classes because all the girls are afraid of me. I stood up and asked “Who here does not have a partner?”. A fourth of the hands went up. I asked “Who would like to be my partner?” The hands sporadically crept downward and the girls tried to find partners in each other. Didn’t even get an answer. I think they assumed that I would take over in the study group or something. In general, the pressures I feel are imposed upon me are: I have to lead (in relationships, in business matters, in dancing), I have to take ALL the initiative in relationships, I have to follow a “masculine” profession. People call me feminine or gay because I care about how I look, because I’m not afraid to share my feelings, because I don’t really care for watching sports, because I don’t really care about cars, because I don’t strive to be the leader all the time, because I’m cleanly and organized. It’s not only an insult to me, but it’s an insult to females and gays. I don’t think I could do either of those groups justice anyway, lol.

On God’s Punishment

Lately I’ve been battling with the thought of a wrathful God. I’ve
come to terms with an angry God, but one that punishes with death and
damnation, at times even on a grand scale, rubs me the wrong way. The
concepts of offspring being accountable for ancestors’ sins (Original
Sin) and death of firstborn (in the Exodus) are other things I don’t
like. Why does God hold us accountable for the sins of others? I can
understand being accountable for somebody else if I have the ability
to intervene, but how is it fair to be punished for sins an ancestor
committed before my birth? How is it fair that I be destroyed along
with the rest of the world (Noah’s ark, regardless of my own
beneficence/non-maleficence in it and fruitless attempts to influence
the rest of the world? Guilt by affiliation: how can you unaffiliate
yourself from the rest of the world? Sure, become an anchorite, but
weren’t those people also destroyed in the flood of Noah’s time?

So, all that turmoil is going on in my head. How could God do that?
The only reasonable explanation I can think of is this:I’m only
considering each individual’s well being, not the whole of humanity.
metaphorically speaking, I’ll say that humanity is a tree. The health
of that tree is evaluated through the wellness, the morality of
humankind. If you have virtuous people, the tree if flourishing. If
you have sinful, deprived people, your tree is wilting and decaying.
If you were a gardener and you saw one of your trees with dying
branches, what would you do? You would probably cut off those dead
limbs. You would do that to save the rest of the tree. If you left the
branch on the tree, it would needlessly leech resources that could be
better allocated to LIVING limbs. Or would you rather consider the few
living plant cells that still require nutrients in that dead limb?

Back on track. I’m not too familiar with the story, but I believe the
story of Sodom and Gamorrah was about two cities that were full of
adultery, sodomy, and a bunch of other sinful stuff. They were steeped
in it. So God purged the world of them. He surgically removed them.
They were dead limbs on the tree of humanity.

Now for a more advanced case. The people of Noah’s time were depraved.
They were all sorts of sinful. The depravity had infiltrated all of
humanity to the point of irreversible damage. Humanity, in it’s state,
could not sustain itself and flourish. The tree could not be saved.How
could that human race, that species of tree, be saved without wiping
out humanity entirely? In terms of plant life, you would cut off the
healthy branch and replant it, then uproot the rest. In terms of
humanity, He cut off Noah, the good branch, then uprooted the rest of
humanity with a flood. Noah then started over. Really, i don’t think
these stories literally happened, but the things I learned from the
story are valuable, nonetheless. The lessons can be learned across all
religions, or lack thereof.

All this is just a theory I have, the whole “sacrificing of part for
the sake of the whole” idea. I can’t make it my own at this time. I am
still concerned with each individual’s right as a human. Plus, this
theory doesn’t explain why God killed the firstborn of the Egyptians.

M’kay…that’s what I’ve been thinking about