So I finally read The Oracle, the university newspaper at TTU. The editorial editor wrote an article on manhood. I saw nothing that had to do with manhood, just a lot of blaming man for the horrible world we live in, making good vs. evil a black and white issue, and discriminating against homossexuals. Regardless, I think you guys should read it. I’ve provided a link here: The World Sucks, It Is Someone’s Fault.
Manhood looks different with each person, specific to each man, because it’s more about what he does and less about what he looks like to others. For this reason, I don’t like the terms “manly man” or “man’s man”. Those type of men are trying to find affirmation based upon the regards of other men. I think it’s mindless. A real man isn’t defined by how he interacts with others; he defines himself.
What are some of the key attributes or characteristics of a “real” man?
A real man should always be searching, always looking for ways to better himself. He shouldn’t be afraid of being wrong, and should recognize when he is. Women are not beneath him, nor are they above him. He should not objectify women, either. Most importantly, a man should have his own values and be his own person. Sir Richard Francis
Burton put it perfectly: “Do what thy manhood bids thee do,/ From none but self expect applause;/ He noblest lives and noblest dies /Who makes and keeps his self-made laws.”
What does true manhood look like in the home and at work? What is the proper role of a man in the home, at work, and in the community?
I think a man should never make expectations of others that he wouldn’t fulfill himself. He should help out his own family and, while holding his family to a high standard, he should hold himself to a higher standard. That being said, housework isn’t something to be delegated to wives only. HELP HER OUT A LITTLE! If he’s letting society determine what is right for him to do or not do, then he’s not thinking for himself. Work is not life, it’s just an aspect of it. It shouldn’t keep a man from spending time with his family or work on his own goals. However, work shouldn’t be seen as a vehicle for making money. He should apply himself to his work. Same with the community: he should apply himself for the benefit of others, not himself. The key here is balancing all these aspects of life.
When does a boy crossover and become a man? Is there a particular age or set of events that mark him as a man?
Manhood is relative to each individual, I’d say, so there is no specific age range or set of events that mark him as a man. Nor do I think it’s a singular event where one minute you’re a boy then BAM you’re a man. It’s a progression that lasts until a man dies. I do think, however, there is a landmark along the way from which it’s almost impossible to regress from. It’s seen as a series of intuitive leaps and personal experiences. He finds something he’s passionate about and he acts upon it. His vocabulary increases dramatically, he suddenly finds the right words to describe precisely how he feels, and he becomes more in touch with himself, distinguishing his neuroses from his true thoughts. He becomes a man because he becomes himself, finally knowing who that person is for the first time.
What events and/or people have shaped your thinking on this subject? If there is a particular person or two that have shaped your thinking, what was it about them that left an impression on you?
A close friend of mine from home, Bethany Herron, asked me one night what church I went to. I didn’t go to one at that time. I considered myself a Christian, but along with not going to church I didn’t do anything else with my Christianity. I was stagnant, content with where I was, content with saying I believed in Him and leaving it at that. That called me to get up and do something about it. It also made me look at other aspects of my life where I was content. Was I stagnant in other parts of my life? If I considered myself to be a man, what was I doing to establish and improve myself as a man?
I’m not saying Christianity is what makes someone a man.I’m not even saying religion makes someone a man. I’m saying Christianity is what helped make ME a man. Allah, Buddha, or lack thereof are just as capable at doing this. Ultimately, the man is responsible for making himself a man.
Are there any essays, books or other literature you’ve read that give you insight or clarity?
Currently reading Awareness by Anthony DeMello, which helps you observe yourself and how you look at others
Emerson’s The American Scholar. The thinking man vs. Man Thinking is something I believe every man should be aware of.
Beyond that, it’s what you’re most passionate about that determines what literature can serve as a gateway to insight. Mine was The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.
