Excerpt from Awareness by Anthony deMello

A little boy was walking along the bank of a river. He sees a crocodile who is trapped in a net. The crocodile says, “Would you hae pity on me and release me? I may look ugly, but it isn’t my fault, you know. I was made this way. But whatever my external appearance, I have a mother’s heart. I came this morning in search of food for my young ones and got caught in this trap!” So the boy says, “Ah, if I were to help you out of that trap, you’d grab me and kill me.” The crocodile asks, “Do you think I would do that to my benefactor and liberator?” So the boy is persuaded to take the net off and the crocodile grabs him.As he is being forced between the jaws of the crocodile, he says, “So this is what I get for my good actions?” And the crocodile says , “Well, don’t take it personally, son, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.” The boy disputes this, so the crocodile says, “Do you want to ask someone if it isn’t so?”

The boys sees a bird sitting on a branch and says, “Bird, is what the crocodile says right?” The bird says, “The crocodile is right. Look at me. I was coming home one day with food for my fledglings. Imaine my horror to see a snake crawling up the tree, making straigt for my nest. I was totally helpless. It kept devouring my young ones, one after the other. I kept screaming and shouting, but it was useless. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile. But the boy says, “Let me ask someone else.” So the crocodile says, “Well, all right, go ahead.” There was an old donkey passing by on the bank of the river. “Donkey,” says the boy, “this is what the crocodile says. Is the crocoile right?” The donkey says, “The crocodile is quite right. Look at me. I’ve worked and slaved for my master all my life and he barely gave me enough to eat. Now that I’m old and useless, he has turned me loose, and here I am wandering in the jungle, waiting for some wild beast to pounce on me and put an end to my life. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile, “Let’s go!” The boy says, “Give me one more chance, one last chance. Let me ask one other being. Remember how good I was to you?” So the crocodile says, ” All right, your last chance.” The boy sees a rabbit passing by, and he says, “Rabbit, is the crocodile right?” The rabbit sits on his haunches and says to the crocodile, “Did you say that to that boy? The crocodile says, “Yes, I did.” “Wait a minute,” says the rabbit, “We’ve got to discuss this.”

“Yes,” says the croodile. But the rabbit says, “How can we discuss it when you’ve got that boy in your mouth? Release him; he’s got to take part in the discussion, too.” The crocodile says, “You’re a clever one, you are. The moment I release him, he’ll run away.” The rabbit says, “I thought you had more sense than that. If he attempted to run away, one slash of your tail would kill him.”

“Fair enough,” says the crocodile, and he released the boy. The moment the boy s release, the rabbit says, “Run!” And the boy runs and escapes. Then the rabbit says to the boy, “Don’t you enjoy crocodile flesh? Wouldn’t the people in your village like a good meal? You didn’t really release that crocodile; most of his body is still caught in that net. Why don’t you go to the village and bring everybody and have a banquet.” That’s exactly what the boy does. He goes to the village and calls all the menfolk. The come with their axes and staves and spears and kill the crocodile. The boy’s dog comes, too, and when the dog sees the rabbit, he gives chase, catches hold of the rabbit, and throttles him. The boy comes on the scene too late, and as he watches the rabbit die, he says, “The crocodile was right, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.”

Manhood Survey

So I finally read The Oracle, the university newspaper at TTU. The editorial editor wrote an article on manhood. I saw nothing that had to do with manhood, just a lot of blaming man for the horrible world we live in, making good vs. evil a black and white issue, and discriminating against homossexuals. Regardless, I think you guys should read it. I’ve provided a link here: The World Sucks, It Is Someone’s Fault.

What does “manhood” look like? What does it mean to be a “real” man? What does it mean to be a manly man or a man’s man?

Manhood looks different with each person, specific to each man, because it’s more about what he does and less about what he looks like to others. For this reason, I don’t like the terms “manly man” or “man’s man”. Those type of men are trying to find affirmation based upon the regards of other men. I think it’s mindless. A real man isn’t defined by how he interacts with others; he defines himself.

What are some of the key attributes or characteristics of a “real” man?

A real man should always be searching, always looking for ways to better himself. He shouldn’t be afraid of being wrong, and should recognize when he is. Women are not beneath him, nor are they above him. He should not objectify women, either. Most importantly, a man should have his own values and be his own person. Sir Richard Francis
Burton put it perfectly: “Do what thy manhood bids thee do,/ From none but self expect applause;/ He noblest lives and noblest dies /Who makes and keeps his self-made laws.”

What does true manhood look like in the home and at work? What is the proper role of a man in the home, at work, and in the community?

I think a man should never make expectations of others that he wouldn’t fulfill himself. He should help out his own family and, while holding his family to a high standard, he should hold himself to a higher standard. That being said, housework isn’t something to be delegated to wives only. HELP HER OUT A LITTLE!  If he’s letting society determine what is right for him to do or not do, then he’s not thinking for himself. Work is not life, it’s just an aspect of it. It shouldn’t keep a man from spending time with his family or work on his own goals. However, work shouldn’t be seen as a vehicle for making money. He should apply himself to his work. Same with the community: he should apply himself for the benefit of others, not himself. The key here is balancing all these aspects of life.

When does a boy crossover and become a man? Is there a particular age or set of events that mark him as a man?

Manhood is relative to each individual, I’d say, so there is no specific age range or set of events that mark him as a man. Nor do I think it’s a singular event where one minute you’re a boy then BAM you’re a man. It’s a progression that lasts until a man dies. I do think, however, there is a landmark along the way from which it’s almost impossible to regress from. It’s seen as a series of intuitive leaps and personal experiences. He finds something he’s passionate about and he acts upon it. His vocabulary increases dramatically, he suddenly finds the right words to describe precisely how he feels, and he becomes more in touch with himself, distinguishing his neuroses from his true thoughts. He becomes a man because he becomes himself, finally knowing who that person is for the first time.

What events and/or people have shaped your thinking on this subject? If there is a particular person or two that have shaped your thinking, what was it about them that left an impression on you?

A close friend of mine from home, Bethany Herron, asked me one night what church I went to. I didn’t go to one at that time. I considered myself a Christian, but along with not going to church I didn’t do anything else with my Christianity. I was stagnant, content with where I was, content with saying I believed in Him and leaving it at that. That called me to get up and do something about it. It also made me look at other aspects of my life where I was content. Was I stagnant in other parts of my life? If I considered myself to be a man, what was I doing to establish and improve myself as a man?

I’m not saying Christianity is what makes someone a man.I’m not even saying religion makes someone a man. I’m saying Christianity is what helped make ME a man. Allah, Buddha, or lack thereof are just as capable at doing this. Ultimately, the man is responsible for making himself a man.

Are there any essays, books or other literature you’ve read that give you insight or clarity?
Currently reading Awareness by Anthony DeMello, which helps you observe yourself and how you look at others

Emerson’s The American Scholar. The thinking man vs. Man Thinking is something I believe every man should be aware of.

Beyond that, it’s what you’re most passionate about that determines what literature can serve as a gateway to insight. Mine was The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis.

A Collection of Thoughts: Christianity

I’m so tired mentally, it’s been hard keeping up with the regular blog posts lately. I just don’t have the drive to write anything that makes me think. It’s the most inconvenient time to feel that way, as I’m being confronted with several issues that are calling for my attention: Christianity, responsibility, self control with alcohol, my views on sex, and generativity.

Concerning my Christianity, a lot of my concern has been sparked by my recent inconsistency with going to church. I just feel so guilty, whether it’s for rational or irrational reasons. Why am I feeling so guilty? I’ve been putting it off because with nursing school and personal time and my philosophy group and home errands all vying for a slot in my weekend schedule, Church gets put on raincheck. A lot of the guilt comes from my mother telling me how I would go to hell for not attending Church. Attending Church seemed to be the way she gauged how good of a Christian somebody was. Bleh, I hate that feeling, but it’s ingrained in me pretty deep. An extra kick in the balls came when I drove by a mob right off of Dixie St. near South Patio of Tennessee Tech, where I go. Sticking out of the mob was a huge banner saying “Turn to Jesus or Burn in Hell”. A head-turner, but what piqued my interest was the fact that some of my militant atheist friends were in the rabble. I parked nearby and walked over to see what the hell was going on.

Turned out there was an evangelist by the name of John making some pretty condemning statements and there were people gathering around, some yelling back at him. Initially, I was rather disgusted with what he had to say. He was spouting nothing but hate and damnation in the effort of scaring people into Christianity. Where was that going to get someone? What is the quality of faith of a Christian guided by fear? John was playing on their fear of death, on their fear of hell and damnation. Sometimes, I wish heaven and hell had never been mentioned to humans because I think it skews the true motives of a Christian. The ultimate goal of Christianity shouldn’t be a reward/punishment complex.

So there he was, shouting the Gospel as he saw fit, ignoring “foolish questions” and speaking over them. The opposing side wasn’t squeaky clean either. Students were spitting at his feet, blowing smoke at him, flashing porn, exercising their poor understanding and recognition of logical fallacies (quick note: pointing out a contradiction that has no relevance to the argument has not made anybody look smart since the sixth grade). There was even a point near the end when some of the students came back with posters saying “Honk if you love beer”, “Honk if you love porn”. I didn’t know what to think other than both sides were being idiots. Other than that, I felt pretty conflicted on how respond to it, if at all.

What I saw was a lot of fear and hate. Hate in John’s words, fear in his avoidance from certain confrontations. Hate from the spiteful students, and fear from those who continued to spite him. Fear from the Christian students who had felt that same way I had felt to some degree. They tried to confront him, tried to tell him that there were those who believed, to which he replied “I’m not here for you, I’m here for the unsaved. If you believe, then go and tell them the Truth,” to which they retreated a few feet and prayed. I chose to abstain from the prayer because I wouldn’t have been praying for the right reasons. It wouldn’t have been for John, it wouldn’t have been for the “unsaved”, it wouldn’t have been for God. Rather, it would have been at God asking for him to forgive me, to wash my hands of all that toxic feeling. That wasn’t the time to be thinking about myself, I thought. Instead, I kept on listening to John and to the few sincere questions that were asked and he would respond to amidst all the jeering and honking.

I don’t know about anybody else who was there, but I felt the love that had come from him. Beneath his vanity and his hate and his fear, there was a lot of love in what he had to say. If any of you remember my blog a while back about hypocrisy, this is a shining example of that post. Most of what John said may have been skewed or out of context, but it wasn’t entirely untrue. There was a teaching value to his words. To the best of his abilities and understanding, he was trying to help others, although not entirely for their sakes. In his eyes, by spending his money on a banner, by driving out two whole hours, by standing up to the heathens, the smokers, the prostitutes, the Sodomites he was a warrior on behalf of God. That was how he showed God his love.

And don’t think he wasn’t listening to those jeers. Don’t think he didn’t notice the spit at his feet. He was fighting back the look of defeat near the end and the only way he could hide it was by being more resolute. By making more accusations. He had to keep that warrior spirit in the face of evil. He wasn’t going to concede forfeiture. Down to the minute he left he was preaching, as flawed as everyone thought it was. In some ways it was noble, despite the foolishness of it.

Three days later I’m still trying to figure out what to think about it all. He might not have won over any Christians, but he kept me thinking in a time when I was staggering in my Christianity so I hope he didn’t leave feeling that he had failed in his mission.